Online and Offline Struggles

I have a very differing opinion about online gaming. My biggest problem is my multiplayer weakness. A little hard to understand problem I have. Even I don't get it. Before delving into my mind and past, I want to talk about how I feel about online.

Online gaming is a great gift. MMOs, Match games, DLC, Arcades, Patches. All the things the gamers have wanted and needed. Communities to socialize with and work together on. People to play against when no one is around to party. More content to your favorite games. New smaller games to try out. And fixes for broken games. I wont deny that online has fully revolutionized the industry and its a great thing.

My problem is the whole meat of it. Multiplayer. I just cant do it. On MMOs, I cant take it serious enough. I'm thinking of it as a game just a little too much. While everyone else is looking for parties and hunting rares, I'm staying behind to look at the scenery and chat with my party members. I spent 18 months playing Ragnarok Online official servers. I never got past level 87 because I was too distracted with other things in the game and the community. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I did spend money to chat.

My other problem is Match/Competitive online. I have never been one to take things seriously. I play for fun, not to win. At the same time, I hate losing. I'm fine with second place. As long as I'm somewhere between first and last, I'm happy. Everyone else though, seems to be striving for first. I don't like being told over and over by others that I suck. I do suck, and I accepted that a long time ago.

When I was younger, and my sister and I played SNES all day, we would compete at all times, even in single player. Our parents must have regret giving us the damn system, seeing how many screaming and fist fights we got into. All my experiences of playing with her were fun, but painful.

Over the years Ive played a lot of multiplayer games offline. that's how it was most of my life. I was never the best. Sure, I won sometimes, but I was never the person in the lead. Now, at this point it looks obvious as to why I'm no good at mutiplayer. Cause I'm bad at games, right? NO

I'm actually rather good at games in single player. I can do some ridiculous maneuvers and chance attacks. I seem to play amazingly at times. I can do the most crazy and skilled things when I play alone, yet I cant seem to apply it when I'm against another player. This confuses me. Again, am I alone in this?

I'm not sure what to do about this strange issue. Should I just keep playing online and hope I get better, or just play at my own pace? Ive been trying to figure this one out for some time now.