Online and Offline Struggles

I have a very differing opinion about online gaming. My biggest problem is my multiplayer weakness. A little hard to understand problem I have. Even I don't get it. Before delving into my mind and past, I want to talk about how I feel about online.

Online gaming is a great gift. MMOs, Match games, DLC, Arcades, Patches. All the things the gamers have wanted and needed. Communities to socialize with and work together on. People to play against when no one is around to party. More content to your favorite games. New smaller games to try out. And fixes for broken games. I wont deny that online has fully revolutionized the industry and its a great thing.

My problem is the whole meat of it. Multiplayer. I just cant do it. On MMOs, I cant take it serious enough. I'm thinking of it as a game just a little too much. While everyone else is looking for parties and hunting rares, I'm staying behind to look at the scenery and chat with my party members. I spent 18 months playing Ragnarok Online official servers. I never got past level 87 because I was too distracted with other things in the game and the community. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I did spend money to chat.

My other problem is Match/Competitive online. I have never been one to take things seriously. I play for fun, not to win. At the same time, I hate losing. I'm fine with second place. As long as I'm somewhere between first and last, I'm happy. Everyone else though, seems to be striving for first. I don't like being told over and over by others that I suck. I do suck, and I accepted that a long time ago.

When I was younger, and my sister and I played SNES all day, we would compete at all times, even in single player. Our parents must have regret giving us the damn system, seeing how many screaming and fist fights we got into. All my experiences of playing with her were fun, but painful.

Over the years Ive played a lot of multiplayer games offline. that's how it was most of my life. I was never the best. Sure, I won sometimes, but I was never the person in the lead. Now, at this point it looks obvious as to why I'm no good at mutiplayer. Cause I'm bad at games, right? NO

I'm actually rather good at games in single player. I can do some ridiculous maneuvers and chance attacks. I seem to play amazingly at times. I can do the most crazy and skilled things when I play alone, yet I cant seem to apply it when I'm against another player. This confuses me. Again, am I alone in this?

I'm not sure what to do about this strange issue. Should I just keep playing online and hope I get better, or just play at my own pace? Ive been trying to figure this one out for some time now.

Unfinished Business

I have a bad gaming habit. It cant be described in one word that I know yet. I find a great game, I spend hours and hours playing it. I get to the final boss or end. I STOP PLAYING!

Not just for the time being, not just for a day or so. I don't get back to the game for months. When I eventually get back to it, Ive forgotten how to play, and I have to restart the game to retrain myself how to play and whats going on in the story.

No New Game+, No full replays, Nothing. I just delete my old file and start anew. This isn't too bad of a thing though. The second time through a game you know what to expect, what secrets and bonuses and upgrades are worth hunting down as soon as possible. Not to mention your speed and skill has greatly increased. And you still enjoy the game just as much. Usually.

Of the 85 games in my CD wallet, 41 were beaten, 22 were given up on at the end. The rest haven't been played enough or can't end. So basically a quarter of my games end in a random urge to quit while I'm ahead. So why? Am I alone in this habit?

I think it's because I enjoy the games too much. I just don't want them to end. That seems a logical explanation. But if I reflect inward, I also bring the reminder that as a life-long gamer, laziness overpowers. Maybe when I play games and feel I'm doing well, and then suddenly at the end the difficulty curves steeply, and suddenly I'm not having so much fun. I'm dying where I was once triumphant and become frustrated.

Maybe its all 3. I'm frustrated that I'm at the end and how hard it suddenly is and I'm too lazy to get better at it to get over that final hump..

I eventually get through the games on the second time (or third) So maybe it isn't so bad after all. More excuses to play great games again.

A Sad Reminder

Yesterday I bought a copy of the 1987 Tetris for NES. After playing it, I'm reminded that I'm actually scared of the game.

I only had one version of the game. A cheap LCD screen ripoff bought from Walmart when I was a kid. This was only given to me because I just wanted my parents to give me something to do to shut me up on our long roadtrips in the summer. This one has a backlight.
It was fun, I played it on most trips, just playing away, getting one line at a time, until I would give up and "kill myself" Over time I found you could get more points for getting more than one line at a time, not to mention it looked cool. So, when I had the chance, I'd get 2 or 3 lines at once. Once and a while Id get really lucky and get 4 lines at a time. After a few summers, I forgot about taking it on trips and then entirely.

Fast forward a few years, till I'm in high school. I spent majority of my life playing video games and neglecting all my duties. Typical gamer upbringing. I made a new friend, and even bigger gamer than me... at the time. I would go to his place to play and trade video games, watch anime, LARP, and just do stupid stuff. One day we decided to play Tetris out of the blue, I figured I was good and could probably beat him.

It was then I learned that I am the worst Tetris player ever. No strategy, holes everywhere, one line at a time, messy, and so on. I never knew there was a strategy set in stone, and things like holding pieces. No one had ever told me before. After my humiliating defeat, I decided not to play for a long time.

I always dabbled at the game when I was bored, or happened to come across that little blue LCD version. I looked into learning the strategy one day, to make myself look a little less pathetic. Then I came across the Tetris Master video on eBaums

I felt I would never get good and even if I did I would never amount to anything near that. I gave up, while my friend, inspired by the video aspired to get that good, and succeeded.

Now back to today. I bought the game from the thrift store along with Dr.Mario thinking me and my fiance could play together cause she likes these sorts of games and I needed something aside from Ice Hockey that was 2-Player for my NES. I start playing just to test it out, works fine. Them I'm reminded. "Oh yeah, you suck." I just play to do my best, I go with the proper strategy from memory. not working, I keep getting holes, messing it up. The screen fills up, i make a big mistake and the blocks reach the top.

*BZZZTEEEWWW* The big bars go all over the playing field and the music stops. Suddenly I remember this exact game over screen. memories shoot me back to when I was 4 or 5. My Mother was visiting a girlfriend for the day and took me along. I had always been infatuated with video games, and being the little explorer I was, I wandered into the basement and came across the household NES. I had to play it. I had the choice between DuckTales and "Tetris" SO something I was familiar with and loved, or something new and exciting looking.

I managed to make it work, all on my own. I felt proud. I pressed a few buttons and then the game started playing. The blocks weren't as colorful as on the box, but I had already come to realize the cover of a game isn't always what its like on the TV. I played about, not understanding what was going on, the blocks stacked on top of each other and it was really amazing, but what do you do? I decided to build a tower to the top.

*BZZZTEEEWWW* Me being the skittish kid I was/am. This loud and sudden noise was terrifying. It was dark and I was alone. I ran out screaming and desperately searched for my mother. I stayed away from that basement for the rest of the visit.

I realize now, I suck at Tetris, because I am afraid of Tetris.